Thursday, March 16, 2017

In the Beginning....Part 1.


When I bought this place over 13 years ago, I knew my relationship with my darling house and land would all end some day. I'm very conscious of the ticking of my own clock. I stay in moments and cherish them and reflect on my privilege and gratitude to have this house overlooking the ocean, surrounded by trees and hills, with views right out of some exotic magazine. With its own off the grid artist's cabin tucked up on the hill overlooking the bay.

We are so finite in this world and sometimes a tap on the shoulder comes, intuition if you will, and we must pay attention.

My friend Helen's death was a huge tap for me. Then a whole series of friends fell to the wayside shortly thereafter way before their time. I say way before their time when, really, what is human time? Three score plus ten? I've been losing friends since I was six when Geraldine died of meningitis and at eight Eithne was burned in a house fire and at fifteen Rosario had brain cancer. So death walks along beside me even though many of us behave as if we have two hundred years to live. And to live with full mental and physical functions intact. Not so. Take a look around at your Zimmer frames, oxygen tanks and wheelchairs and bewilderments in the supermarkets. I do. Not morbidly but noddingly, know what I mean? Constantly aware too that most health impacted seniors don't shop for themselves so we don't see the Alzheimer's, the dementia, the legless and blind and stroke victims.

I thought to take charge then, back in 2015. I live alone. Have a fierce streak of independence, turned down potential partnerships here, 3 or 4 at last count to offer an example, and wish to be proactive rather than reactive to any future challenges I might face.

I remember a dear blog friend, I was her role model of aging well for some reason, saying at one point: "Well it's a good job I have ten more years to catch up to you and loads of time to live creatively" but sadly she didn't. She died Christmas 2013 rather quickly, from cancer.

So the power of now became a mantra for me long before it was fashionable.

To be continued.....

26 comments:

  1. What a meaningful post. This is my first visit to your site, but I am committed to discover more about you as I read on.

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  2. I hope your move goes smoothly...

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    1. So t be happening for a while yet dearest E. More to follow in this.....

      XO
      WWW

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  3. I appreciate how you may feel, especially as we become older and so many family and friends leave us behind -- their numbers dwindling at a faster and faster rate. The past ten to twenty years have seen that be true for me. Recognizing when to make changes matters, so will look forward to hearing more from you when settled.

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    1. I echo you back Joared, I've lost so many dearies in the past wee while, it breaks my heart over when I ponder the enormous gaps they've left.

      XO
      WWW

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  4. Not sure where you're going with this. I can only say that I used to value my independence a lot more than I do now. What's wrong with sharing your life, and leaning on someone else once in a while, as they lean on you?

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    1. I share my life with many Tom, but not in sharing all of it. I am allergic to live-in relationships as I am far too independent.
      But having said that, there are many who dwell in my heart.

      XO
      WWW

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  5. What has happened to you suddenly that you are beginning to sound so morbid? It is totally unlike the WWW that I have known so far!

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    1. What? Not at all. Reflective perhaps. Conscious of the speed of time.

      XO
      WWW

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  6. I continue to follow you closely and with great interest! Love that photo of your house; how beautiful your location is. I've been imagining my own possible future with some anxiety; it's hard not to, at times. I insist on finding the value and desirability of aging, but it sure as hell isn't always easy, is it! -Kate

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    1. I think taking charge is the key, Kate. Being the captain so to speak. I've seen too many reaction scenarios and burdens on the children. It's time.

      XO
      WWW

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  7. Dunno what to say, m'dear. Think I'm a few older than you, but for sure not wiser. I know the dilemma, the what, choices, you write.
    No solutions here, nor are there any, really. Some afternoons I'd like not to face another day of this, then reality sets in. Still have kids, grandkids, they need to know that grandpa had the will to see them as long as I can.
    So there's that.
    No words of wisdom here, Mike.

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    1. I often think of you Mike as I know you're up against the bell. Don't know about myself, I keep on keeping on. I got two good guys doing the assessments of my conditions.

      Just taking a few steps now with all that in mind.

      XO
      WWW

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  8. I have had two friends die suddenly just this week. One had her affairs in order; the other didn't.
    I'm making the best use I can of my remaining time and hope to leave some worthwhile things behind me.
    Best to you, and I hope you won't get too overburdened by your move. I will probably be able to stay in my house, that I love, so I count myself lucky.

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    1. I am so sorry Hattie, that's really rough. I think a partner changes situations and as I don't have one I'm simplifying everything and will focus on what I can do, healthwise in a more relaxed environment.
      XO
      WWW

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  9. Your words once again strike home for this one.
    I also chose to live solo even though many chances for a mate.
    I am also independent (you know this) but so many have passed
    on and wonder of my future. Mind is fine but do not like the limitations of arthritis. Ashamed to say this as could be worse. Now another shameful remark - that I may live
    longer then I want too. So a challenge of doing what I can
    at a slower pace, love this cottage surrounded by nature
    and now is time just to enjoy and let a lot I have done in the past stop. Miss family so much as they are all so busy
    but son here - Oh it is wonderful for a few more weeks.

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    1. I love that your son is home from Thailand, Ernestine. I know you're dilemma and your health issues. Where I am going has trees and a gorgeous lake and the ocean close by and a lot of things I love like theatre and movies and opera and symphony and writers and artists groups.
      I am actually looking forward now.

      XO
      WWW

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  10. Sorry to hear you think the days at your lovely house are numbered. But 13 years is a good long stay to look back on, whatever happens next.

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    1. Yes, I was on a waiting list and thought I'd have another couple of years here but I moved up rapidly and grabbed it while I could as it is ideal.

      XO
      WWW

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  11. Downsizing or moving late in life is ALWAYS difficult. What to keep....what to discard...not to mention just the physical aspect of the darn thing. Don't know if this post means that is in your near future....but with the little I know of you....you appear to be strong....this storm shall be weathered .......also.

    J

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    1. I shall call in the helpers, Jo as I'm not fully up for the heavy stuff and challenging decisions of what to take.

      It's happened a little quickly.

      XO
      WWW

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  12. You certainly began losing friends through their dying at an early age. You have had more practice in this than many of us. I didn't find this post morbid, but very thoughtful. I look forward to part 2. I'm glad you called it In the Beginning rather than At the End!

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    1. Thanks Carolyn. It surely is. I love winding up in a city again. I adore rural living but city living is better suited, I feel, to elders.

      XO
      WWW

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  13. It's good that you wish to be pro-active, WWW - and hopefully by being so it'll mean you need not have been!
    A bit like having an insurance, I guess.

    I and husband are both much older than you - he's 80 this week, I'm a couple of years behind him. Thankfully, so far we're good (good as can be expected anyway) but we do realise that things can change quite suddenly.

    We try not to spoil what we have left by worrying ourselves too much, something that might hasten us to the brink. Not easy, but doable. Sometimes.

    I sense that you'll feel better once you've made the move, WWW - a new page to complete in your adventurous life story. There'll be many more chapters!

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    1. Thanks T. I'm not much behind you age wise being in my seventies also. I think a partnership can defer the process unless the single goes all peculiar and hides away with 10,000 newspapers and 85 cats. Fortunately, I fall into neither category so can take charge of my destiny before Daughter sends the cavalry in to dig me out!
      I'm ready and will keep posting on my journey.

      XO
      WWW

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