Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Nasty Job

My house in the throes of massive repairs and painting.

There is always one nasty ugly job in my life that I keep putting off and putting off.

Almost like sticking my head into a bush with my bum sticking out thinking no one could see me. Don't laugh. I had a dog that did that. I'd be calling her: "Tara, Tara!" and she'd head for a bush and hide and I'd have to laugh, watching how she'd let her bum hang out and tuck her tail around it and lie perfectly still. She was always amazed when I'd stick my head in the other side of the bush and go "na-na-na I'm smarter than you!"

But I digress. Today I was in my office up the road all morning. I want to put a park in our town. With a BBQ pit and nice benches and maybe a stretch of boardwalk on the shore.

But that put-off nasty job in my house? it kept jumping into my brain.

It's like this: I get infested in my utility room with ants every July and put down bait and spray and powder and eco-friendly solutions (baking powder and icing sugar mixed 50/50), etc. And all this takes place behind a freezer and all over a window where they get in and down from the ceiling where there are gaps (old wood ceilings and I do like them, the ceilings, not the ants). And the mess this year, people?

Do you know that ants cart off their dead for they have their very own graveyards near wherever the hell their nests are? Yeah, they do. But this year I killed so many I imagine I must have been lucky and killed the graveyard attendants plus the funeral corteges and the mourners too. So the massacre sites on windows, in poison buckets and behind freezer? Beyond imagining

This avoidance had to come to an end. I am leaving for Ireland this Friday and I thought the job is too awful for Emma, my twice/month cleaning treasure to deal with. There are limits to demands I can make on her or on anyone else for that matter.

So I had to bribe myself. I talk myself into doing deferred nasty jobs. I have been doing it since I was, like, 4.

"I will make you the best BLT in the world after you finish this. Homegrown Swiss chard, lashings of crisp bacon, home grown perfectly sliced tomatoes AND some smoked salmon, and yeah, okay, cream cheese on - wait-for-it - 12 grain artisan bread from the best bakery in the world. Toasted to gold."

And rubber gloves, bleach, buckets and vacuum to hand I did it. And I only came close to gagging once.

And I was so proud.

And the sandwich? Heaven on a plate.

Bribery sure works on this wuss.

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Anonymous Ursula said...

Oh my god. Yes, how to bribe oneself. Easier said than done. Since you can always override yourself, ahead of time.

Ants. I used to pronounce them 'aunts' till someone pointed out to me the difference between being a 'prawn' and being 'prone' to something. Yes, minefield out there.

To my shame, and may I roast in hell, I used to eradicate ants in the garden by a fast and most effective method: Pouring boiling water on their nest. Awful, awful, awful. How I live with myself (now that I don't have a garden) I do not know.

Wishing you happy days in Ireland, WWW,


Wed Aug 20, 04:27:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

I try not to think of "I'm the boss and you don't have to do this nasty thing" way out of these horrible tasks, Ursula.

I would use boiling water on the buggers too but it would mean a flood in the room and floating bodies on a wooden floor, etc.

I just need to clean them up as I go if they don't get carted off to the graveyard first.


Wed Aug 20, 11:09:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Should Fish More said...

Well, I won't get into the subject of whether or not ants have feelings, or, in your case, international tribunals that will bring you to justice, I will remark on the bribe:
Had you offered me that sandwich as described, I'd be there in full chemical suit regalia....I'm now unsatisfied with my lamb dinner, and want the taste of crisp bacon and fresh tomatoes...

Thu Aug 21, 01:20:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Anonymous Grannymar said...

I am bribing myself to finish a couple of jobs right now, before I head south. Who knows we might have time for a catch up!

Thu Aug 21, 05:34:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Anonymous nick said...

I think to do a horrible job like that I'd need a bigger bribe than a fancy sandwich. I'd need at least a plate of exquisite pasta and a bowl of perfect tiramisu. I don't have an ant problem though, only chronic infestations of garden weeds.

Thu Aug 21, 02:48:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Hattie said...

Self bribery. I like the concept.

Thu Aug 21, 03:36:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...


It was incredible, memorable and heavenly that sandwich. The harmony of the flavours, the correct level of crispiness in the bacon.....



Thu Aug 21, 07:20:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...


I'm in Dub from the Saturday to Wed a.m. but it's pretty packed. Let me know your schedule as we might squeeze in a Bewley's???


Thu Aug 21, 07:21:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...


This sandwich was NOT a sandwich per se, it was a gastronomic equivalent of great sex.


Thu Aug 21, 07:22:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

I'm a simple creature (ha!) it works on me.

Thu Aug 21, 07:23:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Secret Agent Woman said...

I'd clear out the ants for that sandwich if you left off the bacon.

I hate to kill bugs, but you can't exactly et them infest your home.

Fri Aug 22, 11:43:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Anonymous Rummuser said...

Grand. Just come over and I can bribe you with much better stuff than that. There is a lot to be done and this wuss cannot be bribed.

Fri Aug 22, 12:03:00 PM GMT-2:30  

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