Monday, July 28, 2014

Present



That's the only word I can think of for the way I'm feeling at the moment.

Present. Excruciatingly so. And I use the word "excruciating" in a good way.

A deeper way of feeling. Sharper.

I've had these episodes before. And I welcome them.

Even though I can cry a lot.

Like the beauty of the world overwhelms me. And of people. And their joy and casual kindnesses.

It was a brutal Tely 10 yesterday. At the best of times I don't "do" heat. Never have and possibly never will. And it was one of the hottest races I've ever been in. And I wanted to quit so many times as the sweat poured off me and everything started to hurt. One good soul, among many, high-fived me at an off-kilter angle along the route and my poor arm felt like it was going to fall off with the unexpected lingering pain.

And then I started to laugh. To myself. As this new pain was distracting me from the sweat and the sore feet (note to self: break in new shoes a month before any race).

And Mile 8 was the roughest. I wanted to lie down and cry on the road and let the paramedics take me off to a sanitarium (do they have such places anymore?) for at least a month. And pamper and spa me and treat my feet, hell my entire body, to peppermint oil and my mind to attar of roses in bowls on my side table.

So that kept me going for a while: thoughts of 1000 thread cotton sheets, white, and attendants massaging the throbbing and aching all-over that I had become.

Mile 9, I was kinda sorta limping when Daughter appeared to help me in on the final 1/4 mile, which was very blurry as my mind had gone on vacation and my recognition software had crashed.

There had been many friends along the route with ice, with words, with water, with lemon. I still cry when I think about them all.

How astonishing it is to me to have picked up my life and moved so very far away to the edge of the Atlantic not so many years ago and feel so part of the fabric here now, to have accumulated so many friends, so much sustenance and support and love.

And to realize, with such renewed clarity, that my only struggles ever are with myself.

To be in the now and in the present for it is all I have.

To be the best me, not in beating anyone else, but in the journey, with its trials and pain. To look outward and accept those shouts of support, the water, the "you can do its", the distracting high-fives, the companionship.

And the destination?

Well, that morphs and changes, for is there any such thing really?

All I can say is that for me yesterday and carrying on in to today:

The destination is to remain open to love.

Self-inflicted and all the variants in between.








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16 Comments:

Blogger Government Funded Blogger said...

WOW,WOW !!
That is a great accomplishment my friend! Many congratulations!

Mon Jul 28, 11:06:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Thank you GFB!!

XO
WWW

Mon Jul 28, 11:28:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Anonymous Grannymar said...

Many Congratulations, my friend! May the aches dissolve and evaporate well before your next adventure!

Mon Jul 28, 01:19:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

GM:

LOL a good night's exhausted sleep fixed me up grand. Not an ache or pain today......

Amazing how the body can be in its recuperations.. for this old geezer anyway :)

XO
WWW

Mon Jul 28, 02:36:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Oh my
amazed at you
and can I say
proud of you.
If I was near
would give you a hug...

Mon Jul 28, 09:59:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Thanks Ernestine.

I consider myself hugged :)

XO
WWW

Tue Jul 29, 12:07:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Anonymous nick said...

I hope you feel the sweat and pain and mental blur was all worth it! Nine and a quarter miles is pretty good going....

Tue Jul 29, 04:34:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Anonymous Linda P. said...

I'm laughing with delight at your accomplishment while thinking of your acquaintance who told you it would be "easy, peasy" to run this due to her rigorous training via housecleaning. Congratulations!

Tue Jul 29, 08:38:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Nick:

It is, afterwards it is but during? OMG!! Seriously I wanted to lie down and hug the road to my bosom.

XO
WWW

Tue Jul 29, 09:07:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Linda:

I'd forgotten about that, I still believe she thinks it a piece of cake to do with all her, ahem, training.

Thank you so much! In hindsight I'm delighted, yeah.

XO
WWW

Tue Jul 29, 09:08:00 AM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Hattie said...

Congratulations indeed!

Tue Jul 29, 01:40:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Thanks so much, Hattie, I do it for all of us :)

XO
WWW

Tue Jul 29, 02:19:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Friko said...

Attagirl!
My admiration and congratulations on a major achievement. Not something I could contemplate starting, much less completing.

You put me to shame.

Tue Jul 29, 06:06:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Friko:

I would never shame you, you dear weaver of light and growth and dog walks and hills.

Never!

XO
WWW

Tue Jul 29, 06:37:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Blogger newbie veg said...

Wise web woman,
You amaze me with your passion for life. I love you for your strong committment and drive to attempt this feat on such a hot day. My hat is off to you, my friend.

Wed Jul 30, 05:23:00 PM GMT-2:30  
Anonymous Rummuser said...

Congratulations. One day at a time does it every time.

Thu Jul 31, 10:42:00 AM GMT-2:30  

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