Monday, February 24, 2014

Blog Jam



It's a fog of snow out there. Flakes so small they blanket the air, gauzing the meadow and the barn. I can't say as I like it. We had to cancel, again, the Book Club monthly meeting and now we're deferring the works till March. First time ever Book Club was cancelled and twice to boot.

As I was dressing this morning I became aware, as if for the first time, how there is no longer a need to rush. It seems like in my old life I was rushing from one thing to another. Like most working mothers, like most cramming every scrap of life into an overflowing day.

I thought:
Thirty minutes to perform all the rituals of the woken up morning.
I thought:
Why am I paying attention to the timing of that?
I had the house record (in a house of males) when still living in my parents' house. Five minutes from start to finish. Including the slap(Irishese for makeup) and clobber (full dress regalia). No showers then, just the bath at night. Now it's thirty minutes of drift, a meditation in there too, a chat with the dog. A leisurely teeth brushing, a selection of which of the two pairs of jeans to wear, or the sweats if going absolutely nowhere.

My old newfound friend phoned me yesterday. I hadn't heard her voice in well over thirty+ years. It hadn't changed. She has led a life as an emergency room nurse, a teacher, a farmer, a saw mill operator and now an artist. It turns out she is an expert in the art of Chinese fine line painting and conducts classes. And yes, she's in her eighties. Below is some of her work on exhibit at a gallery:


We also shared missing children stories. One of her sons estranged himself for twelve years from the entire family. During that time she missed the birth of her grandchildren and their growing up years. Years never regained of course - lost forever and with no foundational love for those grandchildren like she has with her other son's. She is stoic when she tells me this and has made the best of it, even through the apologies of her prodigal son. She said to me: "Apologies are too small, too inadequate. I tell him I do not want to hear them for they are meaningless. Let's make the best of the remaining years."

Wise words. I'd forgotten how very wise she was.

Shared heartbreaks. Shared creative souls.

A long lost friendship retrieved from the mists of time and misunderstandings. Elder bonus.

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20 Comments:

Blogger Maggie May said...

Beautiful artwork. So delicate.

I can't understand anyone just walking from someone's life like that for 12 yrs. However, we do have to let things go otherwise we'd be driven crazy.

All that bad weather. I do hate it when you have to miss things that are important to us, like the book club. Hopefully, it will get brighter soon.
Maggie x

Nuts in May

Mon Feb 24, 12:35:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Hattie said...

I was estranged from my father,but I had good reasons for that. Nothing to regret,as far as I'm concerned.
You really are having some winter. Brr. I think that would throw me into hibernation.

Mon Feb 24, 01:37:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous Grannymar said...


Stay warm indoors. Had you been out, you might have missed the rekindling of the old friendship!

Mon Feb 24, 02:27:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Secret Agent Woman said...

I was estranged from my father for several years, but like Hattie, had exceedingly good reasons. He finally approached me and apologized and we were able to work things out and I was able to forgive. It's tough - families are complicated.

I'm still in a rushing stage of my life, but feel I'm on the edge of that shifting at least partially.

Mon Feb 24, 10:33:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

MM:
This weather has to get bored with the sameness of it all. And soon!
So many missed appointments and events!
XO
WWW

Mon Feb 24, 11:49:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Hattie:

I would love to move onto your front porch, just about now. I wouldn't be a nuisance. Honest!

XO
WWW

Mon Feb 24, 11:50:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

GM:

Indoors is losing its attraction. And fast!

XO
WWW

Mon Feb 24, 11:50:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

SAW:

Yes, families are very complicated indeed.

I wish I had a GPS.

XO
WWW

Mon Feb 24, 11:51:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous nick said...

It's good to have plenty of time for things instead of rushing from pillar to post. It can be taken too far though. My 91 year old mother has slowed down so much she takes an eternity to do anything at all. Very exasperating when I just want to set out somewhere right now!

Tue Feb 25, 09:29:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Anonymous Rummuser said...

That is a very poignant statement - " Let's make the best of the remaining years." in the context and was totally unexpected. And that is why the story is so powerful.

Tue Feb 25, 09:42:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Nick,
Karma my good friend, karma!!
I try and take the slowness of others on board as impatience is my middle name. I think: One day this could be me.
XO
WWW

Tue Feb 25, 11:15:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Ramana:
If estranged daughter or niece come back into my life I will remember this. The lost years are raw and painful and horrible but serve no purpose in the possibility of interactions in any future relationships.
XO
WWW

Tue Feb 25, 11:17:00 AM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Sharon said...

Re-kindled friendship is a gift any time, and your lives have common threads that make the recent connection especially sweet. May there be adventures ahead ~

Tue Feb 25, 06:44:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Friko said...

Lucky, lucky you. Don’t let her drift away again.

30 minutes getting ready? How about an hour of dawdling? It takes me ten minutes to sort out the day’s pills and supplements.

And then there’s all that ipad news checking over breakfast. And the staring out of the window to guess at the day’s weather patterns.

Tue Feb 25, 06:56:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Sharon:
Yes, she's mailing me some artwork and I will mail her some of mine.
The story is not over yet :

XO
WWW

Tue Feb 25, 11:50:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Friko:

Oh I could do an hour easy too :)

I'm working on it +++

XO
WWW

Tue Feb 25, 11:51:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger The Poet Laura-eate said...

Actually I think it's very wise to get one's ablutions out of the way for the day and dress as quickly as possible. Any time I am able to sit around in my dressing gown, I just feel at low ebb and as if the day is disappearing without ever having properly begun.

12 years is indeed a long time. Better late than never though. I hope your wandering daughter returns sooner rather than later. My partner's daughters have now been estranged from him for 26 months and counting, though he's really hoping they might see his blog post asking them to meet him in a local cafe this weekend.

Wed Feb 26, 01:14:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger ViewPoint2010 said...

Speaks SO clearly to the need for at least dual bathrooms in modern homes. My routine is minimum half an hour and much longer if my pseudo-ADD kicks in! :-)

Wed Feb 26, 01:16:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Laura:
Oh I do hope they meet with their dad!
At your age I did a morning race also :)
elder years do have their bonuses!
XO
WWW

Thu Feb 27, 01:36:00 PM GMT-3:30  
Blogger Wisewebwoman said...

Veep:

Oh yes, pseudo ADD, I definitely qualify :)

XO
WWW

Thu Feb 27, 01:37:00 PM GMT-3:30  

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